Going Back to School at Age 40

I had a lot of ideas for what I might do with my life. A lot of ideas that didn’t work out. The reoccurring plan was to become a doctor. A medical doctor. Things just didn’t work out, i.e., my brain wasn’t meant for memorizing biochemistry or anatomy. I struggled with my inabilities for years. Eventually, I moved on and was starting over again as a clinical research coordinator. I worked at becoming the best I could be within the confines of that job. My biggest struggle was rote memorization. Large drug trials require memorizing rules and procedures and doing everything perfectly. Of course, humans aren’t perfect so the drug companies send in monitors (auditors) to check the work every couple of months. Eventually, I realized I will make mistakes it will be ok, I will fix them and move on. Looking back, that was the lesson I needed at that point in my journey. The job was decent and I was thankful, but I restless.

I had sworn off school many times before. But I could not get rid of the nagging feeling that I wanted to contribute more. Maybe age and perspective helped in that realization.

My goals have been changing from what can I get to what can I contribute?

So, I studied hard and took the GRE. I applied, was accepted, and started a PhD program in Health Policy and Management. So far, the program is challenging and fulfilling in ways that are good for my soul. I also have moments of soul-crushing doubt. It seems that is just par for my course.