This Mom Is Mad

We’re mad. We have reasons. Those reasons aren’t going away. That makes us madder. We’re not necessarily mad at you, except for when we are. But overall, it’s a soul crushing, smoldering anger at the system.

First, let’s back up. There’s mom guilt and then there’s mom anger. Mom guilt comes from a place of limited information, high stakes decisions, not having the right answers, making bad judgment calls, making the right decision and still second-guessing yourself. Add in chronic exhaustion, chronic anxiety, feeling like you don’t measure up, feeling like you’ll never be enough to do all the things. The guilt is hard enough, but then comes the anger.

Mom anger comes from a place of powerlessness. Kids are a big responsibility and the bulk of it falls to this mom. Through no lack of effort (asking nicely or cajoling or badgering or nagging), some of us ended up in a traditional marriage. There are forces outside our control, such as a traveling spouse or shift work or whatever. It happened. And now this mom is responsible for the bulk of childcare, housework, meal planning and prep, dishes, and my own job(s).

On the one hand, I don’t want to live in a pigsty. On the other hand, I want others to contribute so I need to let them. Which means letting some things go long enough for other people to notice. Mostly, other people do not notice, so it ends up creating a bigger mess. I’m left with an unwinnable situation: badger someone to clean it up or just do it myself. Either way, the anger simmers. The anger is more intense when a…